There’s a strange shift that happens in midlife.
The kids don’t need you in the same way. Your career might feel like it’s either plateauing or pulling you toward something new you hadn’t planned. And everywhere you look-social media, celebrity culture, social media announcements feels like the world is speeding up without you. I had a moment a few weeks ago that really made me think about all of this.
I met an incredible young woman—a physician specializing in women’s sexual health. She was dynamic, smart, full of passion for her work. She’s speaking all over the country, has over 14,000 followers on Instagram, and is building a platform to change women’s sexual health. I found myself feeling so inspired—and honestly, a little self-critical. I said to her, “Man, I feel old.”
Am I still doing enough? Am I keeping up? Am I still even relevant?
As we got to talking about her upcoming presentation, she mentioned one of the research studies she was planning to highlight. A study that she built her protocols around—and it turns out, I was one of the co-authors on that very study.
I realized: in my rush to look forward (or sideways, or compare), I had completely forgotten to look back, to acknowledge the path I’ve already walked, the work I’ve already done, the impact that’s already been made and the wisdom I’ve gained.
That conversation didn’t just remind me of the value of my experience. It made me think about relevance in a whole new way. Am I honoring who I have been and what I have already done along the way while defining what the next chapter will be like?
The Modern Midlife: Think And Just Like That
If you grew up watching Sex and the City, you remember a version of adulthood that was bold, stylish, full of possibility, even a little chaotic at times.
Today, the sequel series which I love, And Just Like That (new season started May 29th) shows those same women navigating
- Dealing with career reinvention
- Facing grief, change, and new relationships
- Learning how to stay curious and connected in a very different world
They’re still making mistakes. They’re still growing. They’re still very much alive to life’s next chapters. And isn’t that what relevance really is?
- Staying curious about life
- Building strong friendships that evolve with you
- Owning your story and having empathy and grace for the struggles
Modern midlife isn’t about clinging to youth. It’s about staying interested. It’s about honoring your past and then evolving on your own terms.
Why Midlife Can Make You Feel Less Relevant (Even When You’re Not)
There are real forces working against women’s sense of relevance during this stage.
Some big ones:
- Social media comparisons: Seeing curated highlight reels of people’s lives can make you feel like you’re falling behind-or invisible.
- Career shifts: Many women experience a career pivot, plateau, or even burnout around this time which can shake your identity.
- Aging children and aging parents: When your role as a mother shifts, it can leave you wondering, Who am I outside of being needed? At the same time you may be experiencing more freedom from parenting, your parents may need you more.
- Cultural messaging: We still live in a culture that often defines women’s prime years as being tied to youth.
But here’s what’s equally true. . .
Midlife Can Actually a Launchpad for Success
Research shows that women over 45 are often just hitting their stride:
- A 2021 study from Harvard Business Review found that women’s professional confidence peaks between ages 45 and 65, correlating with greater leadership impact and personal fulfillment.
- Data from the Kauffman Foundation shows that entrepreneurship rates are rising fastest among women 45–64, not in their 20s or 30s.
Creativity, innovation, and resilience are often higher in midlife because of the deep reservoir of life experience and adaptability women have built.
And real-world success stories back this up:
- Martha Stewart didn’t build her empire or become a household name until her 50s. Her first magazine launch (Martha Stewart Living) and her company’s rapid expansion happened after years of quiet, steady work—and once it took off, it really took off.Martha Stewart’s first big book Entertaining came out when she was around 41, but the real Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia empire boom, including her billion-dollar brand valuation happened as she moved into her 50s
- Vera Wang didn’t design her first wedding dress until she was 40.
- Julia Child published Mastering the Art of French Cooking at age 49 which changed culinary culture forever.
Translation: Midlife is often the beginning of the most authentic, expansive, meaningful chapter yet.
7 Ways to Feel Relevant On Your Own Terms
I’m trying to be very intentional in this phase of life. Here are some of the things I’m trying to consciously do and what I would urge you to think about.
1. Stay Curious
Relevance doesn’t come from being the loudest voice in the room or having the biggest following. I feel like it comes from staying engaged. What are you interested in now? AND don’t just think about it, really explore it
2. Refresh, Don’t Reinvent
You don’t have to burn down your whole life to feel vibrant again. Sometimes relevance is a small pivot:
- Updating your wardrobe to reflect how you feel today, wear the pink jumpsuit 🙂
- Trying a new hobby you’ve always been curious about-hello gardening!
- Taking a course or certification that lights you up-for me. . life coaching, obesity and menopause certification.
3. Curate Your Social Media (or Step Away)
Unfollow accounts that make you feel less-than. Fill your feed with women who are real, evolving and thriving at every age. Check out @Grece Ghanem. Gah! Goals! Or take a break entirely and reconnect with the real world.
4. Build New Friendships
Friendships in midlife can be richer than ever. It’s now about you feel when you’re with people rather than convenience because of kids. The most difficult part I find is making the plans instead of talking about getting together. What I’m trying to do now is have a few dates or ideas of when to get together before even saying “We should get together!”
5. Own Your Expertise
I’m clearly working on this but I think it’s very easy to forget that we have learned A LOT and we have wisdom that matters. Whether it’s mentoring someone, speaking on a panel, or simply sharing your story, it’s our time to pass down this knowledge.
6. Redefine Success
Maybe success now means deeper relationships, slower mornings, a project you’re passionate about or maybe it means launching a new business and just pressing on the gas. Right now I feel I’m in this weird world of wanting both at the same time.
7. Care for Your Body For Function and Not just Looks
Workouts, nutrition and cutting down on alcohol are now are less about how I look and more about how I want my future self to move, heal and prevent disease.
Final Thought: You Are Not Becoming Less Relevant. You Are Becoming More Authentic.
So maybe midlife isn’t the end of our story it’s the part where the character finally knows herself well enough to make bold, beautiful moves. It’s the part when we really own what we have accomplished or learned along the way and use that to design a beautiful next season. Carrie Bradshaw would absolutely be cheering us on.
Sources:
- Harvard Business Review. Women’s Confidence Peaks Later in Life. 2021.
- Kauffman Foundation. Entrepreneurship and Aging Trends. 2020.
